pain = weakness

When I was a child my mother was constantly telling me not to do things.

I could not run with the other children because I had asthma.

I could not play any sports because I could not run.

I could not play outside because I had allergies.

I could not climb a tree because I might fall.

I could not do this, I could not do that.

But rather than accept my limitations as some children would, I rebelled against them.

I tried to run with the other children, I even staged a race with my step-sisters, but of course I didn’t win and sadly, I don’t think I was even able to run the entire length of the church’s driveway, but I kept trying. In high school I decided to go running every day after school – admittedly I ended up with shin splints in short order, but it was not my asthma that kept me inside.

I tried to play sports, and even managed to get on the JV softball team, but my first time up at bat, after I hit the ball I slipped when running (or to hear someone else tell it I flipped my whole body over) and stressed a tendon in my left knee. I was on crutches for the rest of the season, but next season I did return to tryouts.

I always wanted to be outside, even when we lived in the apartments and the only outside I was allowed was the back parking lot. I could not go on the grassy area between the building and the trees because it was dark and bad people might be hanging around there. I did venture into the darkness a few times and there was nothing there except the darkness, and this ridiculous door in a pit, as well as the constant fear that my mother would catch me disobeying her command.

I always tried to climb a tree but soon learned my body is too short for many of the branches. However, to this day I still dream of sitting on a high limb and swinging my legs with a warm summer breeze. This year it might actually happen since there is a tall pine tree in my yard that has wooden steps drilled into it and I know more than a few kids and adults have climbed it safely – including my own! Soon it will be my turn!