fear

my mother bred fear.
in actions, in words, in postulations, in associations
everything and anything was fear
fear of strangers
fear of dying
fear of sickness
fear of death
fear of loss
fear of hate
the world was your oyster
but you had better stay in your shell
and keep those valves shut down tight
beware of what lurks in the shadows
in the hearts of men,
under your bed,
in the darkest depths of your closet,
in the darkest depths of your soul.

so what do i do?
instead of holding onto fear
i repel it, expel it
say to hell with it
push it away from me
beside me
push it over and under and around and through
until its form cannot be seen
until its place cannot be named.

an example of this:
vampires
they scare me
they frighten me
they instill the very essence of fear within in me
a fear so pure it does not allow logic to abide
they make me want to hide
cower in the corners
quiver beneath the covers
and never ever again want to wander
within the darkest depths of night
vampires
so consumed by their hunger
for their need to survive
that they think of nothing else
humanity, dignity, discretion
all lost
only the blood lust remains
sated for the night
to be awakened again the next
and the next
and the next

so what do i do?
rather than stay away from them
i become obsessed by them
i read everything i can find
i watch everything i can find
and then when i have consumed them
i find there is more
werewolves
gouls
goblins
faeries
mages
witches
wizards
so many within our myths
so many within our legends
so many within our stories
that become consumed
by hungers so close to our own
so close to what we could become,
but far enough away from ourselves
that we can take a step back
let our minds create logic around
these creatures of the night
these creatures of the darkness
like us, once us, but not us

i consume them
i devour them
i hold them within me
let their stories settle in
let their stories play within
until my own story forms
and suddenly i find myself
writing about them
being consumed by them
allowing them to play
within the shadows of my mind
until they come out into the light
burning letters across the page
telling a new story
for others to fear