miraculous happenings

i am a miracle worker.

the world caters to my every whim,
slips and slides into my every desire,
spins chaos to conjure my destiny,
relinquishing the thoughts
and needs of others
to adhere to the barest
of my notions of grandeur.

i am a miracle worker.

the webbing of events
surround me to bend
and stretch to my every need,
shaping the web
of future events
into the essence of my being,
threading through passages
once thought too small
to slide past
until all that is laid before me
is exactly as i need it to be.

i am a miracle worker.

divergent pathways

roads diverge

roads follow

roads travel

along byways

and highways

too long to travel alone

too far to travel apart

wandering from the intended direction

straying towards a reflection

of what once was

the call of sirens past

singing their praise

for glories lost

wandering beyond the grave

one must save

such meanderings of the mind

in the present time

lest ye be swayed

and bent to obey

the masses of contradiction

and disruption

with the only function

of chaos breeding contempt

until one repents

the sins of the father

begotten and beheld by the son

of the daughter

lest ye be sent to slaughter

for things best left unsaid

to a child’s ear

within the heart of a woman

within the heart of a woman

lies chaos and contradiction

a predilection to grandiose verbosities

of which there is no recovery

so one must forge ahead

and think before words are said

of the eccentricities within the mind

of the inanities within the soul

of the banalities within the heart

of the compromises within the body

as it tries to comprehend the things

that are better left unsaid

because there is no way

to form the letters

that form the words

of such gross inadequacies of the spirit

there is no way to form the sentences

and paragraphs of frugality

when all one wants to do

is run free with the wind

and play barefoot in the summer rains

2011

the year is quickly approaching its halfway mark and i am no where near reaching my goals.
i do not have another draft of 'sweet blood', nor do i have many more pages of 'beyond the walls', and 'sathanas' has been lost into the ether of finished and unpublished projects, similar to all the poems and prose i have written over the years and shoved into a file somewhere. all of them are there for me, in their proper place whenever i choose to look at them again, like on the rare occasion when i enter a poetry contest, but for the most part they just sit there, mocking me with their letters that are strung together in half coherent run-on sentences and paragraphs that could be expanded to pages and pages of brilliant scenes and amazing connections.
the only excuse i have to offer for this gross inequity of accomplishments is: my family and i were sick for half the year, and while this is a truth the other truth of that statement is that that excuse is getting old. it has been used too much, and voiced even more to become the crutch i fall on as to why i have accomplished nothing this year.
but, ya know what the strangest part of all of this is?
i have found myself again,
truly honed down to my core
i am finally ready
to say to the world:
this is me!
this is who i am!

writing goals

i finally have a concrete schedule for writing!
and wouldn't you know it?
the doubt monster has stopped in for a visit :(
fucking figures :(

scar creations

there are scars

running along my skin

running within my soul

some

too small to notice

some

too large to ignore

all have been made

by the one

who created me

all have been seen

by those who care to look

for more than a second

for more than a passing glance

none can be left hidden

to those who come unbidden

to thine own self be true

but what if

you are not who you say you are

you are not who you portray

than all is lost

and all is found

from the one you were created

many faces

the moon led the path before me
her face tilted towards my destination
my steps guided by her light
even in the bright rays of the sun
and i followed her wherever she led

i asked her no questions
she told me no lies

and together we walked away
into the dawn of a new day
to be held in the grandeur
of the fae and forlorn
so that we would be reborn
together in dawn’s early light
seeking respite
from yesterday and today
and tomorrow

the midwife

i am a midwife of life
people seek me in times of transition
in times of anguish and pain
they allow me
to turn them
in the right direction
so they can look again
upon their reflection
with confidence
and take the next steps
to create a better life
for themselves

i am a midwife of life
all i ask in return
is a strong cup of coffee
and your strength
to take the next step