severed self

they severe me

limb from limb
my sap still runs thick
from the wounds
and yet I stand

they placed fire
within inches from my trunk
which constantly burns bright
and yet I stand

they move metal boxes
spewing forth smoke
as they pass me by
and yet I stand







to see the days
turn into weeks
to see the weeks
turn into months
to see the months
turn into years
to see the years
turn into decades
I will stand
whatever this life
thrusts upon me
I will stand

tree verse

the trees are talking to me again

i ask them: tell me no lies?

they say they do not know what a lie is

and i breathe in a sigh of relief

as the cold wind blows through my hair

and whips around their branches

across crystalline blue skies

i gaze in awe of their beauty

and wonder if everyone saw them

through my eyes would they continue

to chop off their limbs, sever their roots

would they continue to clear the land of them

if they noticed the stories they had to tell

the trees are talking to me again

and i fear i am the only one left

who will listen

my body spins

You would think after all these years I would know that western medicine does not have the answers. For many years I was told by various physicians that many of my health issues were due to my body being overweight and if I lost the weight then the issues would disappear. When this was said I always thought it was a bunch of bullshit and now that I have lost weight I should not be surprise that the issues have not magically disappeared. Mind you, I can definitely move my body around with greater ease, but my bouts of breathlessness, my lower back pain, my knots in my shoulders and my body’s infernally increasing issues on the day to day appear to be increasing rather than decreasing.
Take for example, my vertigo. This little anomaly used to occur only a few days before I was about to start my moon cycle. (I’ve never liked using that phrase, but it’s a little more p.c. than others I can think of right now.) and usually it was due to my lack of remembering to take my multi vitamin. So, I'd take my multi, down some greens powder and have a burger and viola! the issue was resolved :) but this month has proved to be baffling.
My cycle ended last week and this week I am spinning – the increasingly odd thing about this is that I have been taking my multi, I have had more than two servings of beef within a week and i have been drinking more water AND I’ve even decreased my caffeine intake, so, what the hell is up with that?! On top of all of this, I have even been going to a network chiropractor once a month, sometimes every week if my schedule allows! So, once again, since modern medicine does not have the answers I am looking for I am going over to the other side ... am I surprised? No, just confused and a little spinny in the head ;)

mapping life

What would the world look like if we paved around the trees? If the power lines were placed to move around their branches? What would the roads look like on a map if we moved them to follow the lines of boulders, built bridges to cross over rivers and slunk through the paths of a forest of trees? What would the world look like if we made the maps to move with those beings around us, instead of through them?

On this cold November morning, now that the leaves have fallen from the trees, you can see their branches and behold their beauty. The trees are sitting there, naked for all the world to see their scars, the trees are sitting there for all the world to see every limb that has ever been cut, every branch that has ever fallen victim to a storm. All is laid out before your eyes if only you take the time to see the truth that lies among their glory as they reach towards the sky in praise of another day of life.

****~~~~****~~~~****

a map to your heart is paved in gold

twisting among the branches of time

turning into the rays of the sun

swaying with the breezes of tomorrow

swirling around in the mists of yesterday

While You Were Out

three birds flew overhead
i saw that they were crows
who must've thought i was dead
for before i knew it
they had flown down
to alight on my shoulders
and began whispering their secrets
upon my deadened ears

3 x 3

On Thursday night, Kathy gave us this prompt: write down three images from your day.

Apparently my mind had a bit more than three that needed to be placed on the page!

1. The brightest, clearest blue you’ve ever seen, puffy white clouds streaming across the sky above the deep green of the pine trees to be rushed away within minutes as the gray clouds of a storm roll in for the day.
2. Sitting down at a small table in an elementary school classroom trying to explain to my son’s teacher that my son has no barriers, everything that is happening around him, hits him as deeply as if he himself was involved – how do you give him a defensive wall? and why would I want him to stop feeling towards those around him?
3. Walking into my warmly lit house, the warmth and love enveloping me after I just spent an entire day trying to pretend that nothing that was said had anything to do with me, it’s just a job, it’s just something that I do to earn money. It is not my life.
4. Seeing another Shutesbury herbalist in the store and she said to me, ‘oh, I’m surprised to still see you here! I thought you were going to take some test to go back to school. And by the time I got to the end of my conversation I finally realized that yes, I will be able to pass those damn MTEL exams the next time I take them!
5. Wondering why on earth that my brain forgets that every month my body feels like a balloon full of jelly.
6. Thinking, oh my gosh! within a week I will be able to wear my wedding ring again! I haven’t been able to do that for years! But I still do not understand why the other two rings that my husband gave me still fit perfectly – how does that make sense?
7. Looking at the cookies and thinking, I’ve already had a chocolate raspberry croissant and almost an entire bag of dark chocolate covered pretzels, should I really be eating more chocolate? And while we are on the subject of excess, just how many cups of coffee, chai and steaz have I had today? I really should have gone for a cup of calming tea, but the call of the coffee was just too alluring …
   
8. And, yes, for those of you who are wondering, I am avoiding writing anything for the story. I have no idea why, other than the fact that my world has been in chaos for the last two weeks, but honestly, at this point, when is my world NOT in chaos? And shouldn’t I be used to the random acts that fate likes to twist into my path? Shouldn’t I be used to the blind corners, and leaps of logic? One would think so, and indeed I was beginning to think that that would soon be the case, but apparently it is not because I am still awaiting for that time of peace and bliss when everything makes sense, and my world exists within the dimensions of my own personal view of the universe and the only random acts that occur to me and mine are ones of gratitude and kindness.
9. One of these days I’m going to go on one of those fancy smancy writing retreats in which I do nothing, for days on end except write something for the story. In some ways it’d be great if I could do that up at Temenos, but knowing that everyone is all just down the hill from where my cabin is may not work out as well as I want it to, and then there’s the thought that that really is the best way to do something like that – it’s close, it’s secluded, and mostly importantly it’s cheap! Summer would definitely be best since I have almost no tolerance for being cold and while I have finally learned to start a good roaring fire it may not be that much fun to be solely responsible for my heat source, so summer it is, but wasn’t I going to hike to Mount Monadnock next summer? I suppose it’s possible to do both, but the question is: do I hike the trail alone? Or do I ask someone to go with me? Ooh! Maybe I should hike that trail as a birthday present for myself? Hmmm … Wonder if my husband would let me ditch him and the kids for a few days to do that? Ooh! I could even get some writing done then!

what matters?

a wood stove AND firewood to set alight

gallons upon gallons of drinking water

candles AND a box of matches

a good book, or three, or four to read by candlelight

as the world goes quiet and dark for the night

these things are what matter

these things are what can be held

in a moment

in a series of moments

longer than a breath can be held

longer than the time it takes for a child to fall asleep

in a moment

all is gone

and nothing

and everything

will be the same again

until the matter is over and done

until the matter comes round again

to form another twirl

along the spiral

until nothing matters again